In this era of digital journalism, consumers of media are surrounded by fake news. You know the kind, PBS and NPR, delivering corrupt liberal propaganda that ends up nesting in the brains of our youth, turning them into rock and roll Satanists. “No more!”, The Beak Report said. And no more indeed. The Beak Report takes pride in delivering the real news, covering all the happenings of Signal Mountain; more specifically, of Signal Mountain Middle High School.
What is The Beak Report ?
To put it quite simply, The Beak Report is the Real News of Signal Mountain. Founded in 2017, we take pride in delivering real news of Signal Mountain Middle High School, not just the fake fluff news. While the old, fascist administration of the school focused on a ‘Let’s Keep Signal Mountain Students Out Of The News’ agenda, our new, progressive ideology says ‘Let’s Allow Signal Mountain Students To Make The News’. Founded by SMMHS student Harrison Faulkner, we’re committed to having quality weekly content, reporting solely the actual news that happens at Signal Mountain Middle High School.
Can I submit articles or ideas?
You bet you can! We take pride in having 2 or more articles every single week, which definitely adds up! The Beak Report is run entirely by Harrison, who simply cannot come up with weeks of Real News™ alone. That having been said, we love any and all article/idea submissions. If you’d like to suggest any content, feel free to click here. Don’t worry, all article submissions can be submitted anonymously, and will be kept private unless published.
“You can’t say that!”
Well, we disagree. The First Amendment protects satire as a form of free speech and expression. The Beak Report uses invented names in all of its articles, except in cases where public figures are being satirized. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. If you say stuff like “You can’t say that!”, we’ll probably be 100x more likely to say it regardless.
Where can I find The Beak Report ?
Outside of this website, Beak Report content is currently limited to Instagram content. Our Instagram page can be found here, with the username @thebeakreport.