“I Will Dominate The Shoulders Of Teenage Girls” Says Administrator Into Bathroom Mirror While Getting Ready Each Morning

“I will dominate the absolute hell out of these pubescent, innocent teenage girls, and anyone who stands in my path will be demolished,” said Signal Mountain administrator Mrs Jones into her ornate bathroom mirror while simultaneously rubbing anti-wrinkle cream on her face. However, why this is newsworthy is anyone’s guess, because Mrs Jones does this …

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Substitute Teacher Clearly More Informed Than Actual Teacher About Subject Being Covered Right Now

“Mrs Garrett? Oh god, she’s terrifying,” said freshman Alex Hannigan, clearly holding back tears with every word muttered. “Instead of beginning the class with watching CNN Student News, despite this being Algebra 1, Mrs Garrett begins class with a warmup problem, followed by the daily recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance. I’m pretty sure her …

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“I’m Letting The World Head My Voice!”, Says Student That Can’t Be Heard Due To Bad PA System, 10th Graders Talking Over Her Speech

Staring in awe at the dozens of students that walked out of class to speak their voices, a number of student representatives delivered powerful speeches on Wednesday morning that would be heard around the world for years to come. “And this is the time where we rise up and say no more! Today, I’m letting …

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#MeToo Movement Inspires Middle School Student Council To Only Give Cookiegrams To Select Girls

“This whole Henry Weinstein thing has really inspired the Middle School Student Council,” said 8th grade president Emily Clark, adding that her mom sometimes watches Entertainment Tonight and how it’s really changed her political ideology. “The downfall of Harry Weinstein has had this enormous impact on the world, and I think that’s incredible. As the …

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Administration Decides: “Yep, We’re Dropping All Classes Except For Directed Studies!”

After an extensive voting process, the administration at Signal Mountain Middle High School voted on what classes students would take for the 2018-2019 school year. Following eight intense months of administrative campaigning, the administration was pleased to reach the conclusion, “Yep, we’re dropping all classes except for Directed Studies!”   “But this conclusion wasn’t easy …

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